Hi, Doritos! Welcome to the latest release of The Crunch Times! In this edition, various members of DCP were asked a number of ‘What If’ questions based on hypothetical scenarios in general and within the army. 

Designed by Zambi

For this post, I reached out to:

Znation (Golden Dorito Prestige)

Luke (Third in Command)

Ethan (Master Sergeant)

Mae (Lieutenant)

Sonic (Private)

Robin (Private First Class)

Lumi (Staff in Training)

Kira (Main Leader)

xXSMASH (Head Colonel)

Galaxy (Head Colonel).

So, without further ado, let’s see how these ten individuals answered my nine questions!

What if you were stranded on the Iceberg alone?

Znation: I would look for other penguins and start a penguin family 

Luke: igloo 

Ethan: I would literally chill (i hate being with lots of people)

Mae: set up a nice cozy chillout and invite some friends to waddle on over

Sonic: Like in game? Irl I’d probably die bc idk how to swim.

Robin: i would just walk around, nothing special to do there alone .

Lumi: Probably eat the snow 

Kira: tip the iceberg!

xXSMASH: If I can blocked în iceberg I would call from dcp some ppl to stay with me and take parties, having fun etc. If I cant talk there i will watch youtube or instagram.

Galaxy: Would try and find food and survive

What if you had the ability to time travel?

Znation: I would go back in time to 2017 to stop being a newgen and join dcp 

Luke: I would go back and time and make my self DCP leader 😝 

Ethan: I would go to the past and warn my mum not to be with my real dad

Mae: Id go back to when my grandparents were alive to i could spend more time with them

Sonic: Then I would time travel 😭

Robin: i would travel back to 2008 and see myself as a baby.

Lumi: I would probably use that to like.. go back to my past self to tell him things that he shouldn’t do

Kira: im going back to 2019 i wanna listen to old town road again

xXSMASH: I would do nothing since “changing something în the past can distroy the entire time în this world”.

Galaxy: Would travel to stop 9/11 or some wars

What if you were DCP leader for a month?

Znation: i would abuse my power in every single away possible

Luke: I would declear war on ACP crush them followed by every other army to make DCP on top forever

Ethan: I would be a good leader like I am as a member 👍 trust

Mae: Honestly idk, probably do whatever leaders do

Sonic: Dictatorship (jk, probably nothing)

Robin: i would be happy as hell.

Lumi: I’d just do mod abuse on my various trusted friends, also trying to experience the ways of the leader for the future wooooshhh

Kira: this isnt a what if for me i fear…

xXSMASH: I would do what leaders do, events, robux and nitro donations, mini events, and parties.

Galaxy: I would lead events and have fun :3

What if you found out everyone is a NPC except you and you were in a simulation?

Znation: that would mean no one has a conscience and I could pull women

Luke: I would marry my dream girl and make my self the king and make my own fantasy RPG

Ethan: I would cry, bro

Mae: uh bug the game

Sonic: extreme main character music

Robin: yeah i will be shocked but at least i will try to enjoy my simulation life

Lumi: Live my life, its heartbreaking that my family and friends are all just metal, but i have nothing to say about that, so its useless trying to find the reason why since i am just a human!!!

Kira: id be terrified, but ykw i think id have fun with it until the simultion ended

xXSMASH: I would try to figure out how to end up the simulator without dying în the REAL world so I can start a life în the REAL world till I die.

Galaxy: Idk

What if Doritos had a war declared on them today?

Znation: i will sacrifice my life for Doritos 🫡

Luke: I Would use all my magic to send them into the abyss

Ethan: I would try to help em

Mae: i have to go to school soooooooo

Sonic: I’d try to make peace (and if failed I’d speed blitz)

Robin: We’d unite, strategize, and show them why the Doritos are legendary and show them THE POWER OF DCPP.

Lumi: EVERY MAN ON ITS OWN!!!!

Kira: grind, attack, conquer

xXSMASH: I would help this army to will forever. I cant do that every time since our time zone is different.

Galaxy: I would be the healer or defender

What if you woke up and the weather was controlled by majority vote?

Znation: it would be fucking doomsday

Luke: Both good and bad depending on the weather.

Ethan:  I wouldn’t leave my house

Mae: Honestly hopefully people love hot weather then im happy

Sonic: Uhm hope that everyone live some sunny day 😭

Robin: Well, I hope the majority votes for cooler temperatures, it’s scorching out there

Lumi: if it’s raining ill just go to a place and relax with an umbrella over my head.

Kira: pray and hope they dont make it rain 24/7

xXSMASH: I would vote to rain and ima wish and pray to god to be picked rain cause I love raining exept if it start to Lighting to apear.

Galaxy: Would vote summer

What if you entered Summit VC and all soundboard perms were enabled?

Znation: it would be like hell

Luke: nothing because I always have it muted

Ethan: I would DM a staff and ask them wth?

Mae: i dont use soundboard honestly

Sonic: My ears would be gone 🥲 (I hate soundboard)

Robin: i would just sit there , nothing special

Lumi: spam that metal bar dropping sound

Kira: cry and deafen

xXSMASH: I will do nothing exept talking normal since soundtrack is an REALLY stupid think and even can rage ppl.

Galaxy: Would mute soundboards after a while

What if you had to end every conversation with any magic trick?

Znation: i would lowk dissapear on the spot and have them question their sanity

Luke: I would use all my magic to make them disappear forever

Ethan: I would disappear each time (ABRA CADABRA!)

Mae: i would do a disappearing act

Sonic: I’d use the same one every time (make myself disappear)

Robin: french drop, i guess i only know that one

Lumi: haha id use the altering spell 😛

Kira: everyone would have to pick a card at the end of theirs LOL

xXSMASH: I would be sad and say “I cant do magic tricks I suck”. I really cant do a magic trick and I would really hate this thing.

Galaxy: I would pull a dollar out of a hat

What if you could choose any Doritos event but you have to relive it every event?

Znation: i would remember the Joel retirement event

Luke: It would be the event that would crush ACP forever

Ethan: I would choose one that isn’t so damn late

Mae: Winning war against acp

Sonic: Uhhh the most silly one

Robin: i would pick the 15th Anniversary of Doritosss

Lumi: my first event , invasion of tundram or it was something else, idk!!! felt the adrenaline

Kira: im going with christmas chaos, even if we loss we as a month old army took an already established army

xXSMASH: I would be happy to get into the events I liked and we won în case we had an lost event (wish this thing to doesnt exist anymore)

Galaxy: Any Simon says events

In Conclusion

Each member offers a variety of answers to these scenarios, although most may agree on power abusing and making themselves disappear! Finally, thank you to the ten members involved in this post for participating. 

What would YOU do if these hypotheticals really happened? Which member did you agree with the most? 

Judy

Crunch Times Reporter

&

Third in Command

Filed under: Club Penguin News, Doritos Army | Tagged: Clubpenguin Doritos, DCP, doritos, doritos of club penguin, The Crunch Times, what if |